Have you ever had any of these mornings?
If not, you are a part of an extremely small, but very lucky bunch of people on earth. And since I don't believe in luck, I am taking the liberty of presuming that you are lying. (Don't do that, lying is bad, lying to yourself is even worse). Anyway I am not here to ponder on my readers conscience, reaction, behavior & interaction with themselves. Being the person I am, I don't care about that.
Are you wondering, why did I write all this then?
Because, recently I am having too many of these bad mornings.
I mean recently I have been wondering too much about what am I doing, & what do I want to do with my life? I earn decent enough money, I am comfortable with my job, I don't have any worries or immediate responsibilities to take care of. I have seen a bit of europe. In a nutshell, I am more than satisfied. Happy? No!
Why?
I really don't know. But this is not exactly what I thought I would be doing when I completed my engineering. May be there is no pressure on me. There is kind of no competition for me, at work. I don't have to strain myself beyond the normal slugged capabilities. May be its because this is the first time in my life when I don't have an immediate future goal. May be its because my life is too settled, too easy & too comfortable. May be its because I am getting things too easily nowadays. I don't know what is it exactly, But whatever it is, the sense of adventure, excitement in my life seems to be fading slowly!
May be it is because, the only people I care about are so far away from me. May be it is because I too do need somebody to talk to. May be it is because I do miss them. Or may be it's because I am not used to handle such emotions.
Whatever the reasons may be, they got me thinking.
Whatever the reasons may be, they got me thinking.
Given a chance what differences would I love to have in my life? Now that's a difficult question to answer!
But I will take my shot.
The first thing I would like to change in my life is to be financially carefree. I don't want to spoil the joys of my life worrying about where my money is going. I would prefer to live like, what my friend Jai says as 'Living from hand to mouth'. I would rather spend my life peacefully gazing at an African sunset, having a quiet evening at Mt. Titlis in Switzerland, snorkeling in the clear waters of Australia, driving a Ford GT across the streets of Detroit or having a wood burned tea in the calmness of Himalayas! I no longer want to be bothered about the suave pleasures of luxury & richness.
The second thing I would like to change in my life is emotional detachment. I am more or less tired by the emotional attachment with people. They more often than not, leave me grumpy, dry, moody, sulking, emotionally wasted, energetically drained & hurt. Except for the handful of people I really care about I want to break all the emotional ties with the rest of the world. I don't want to be emotionally dependent on people any longer. I want to learn how to live alone, & be myself. I guess my first desire comes from this one.
I would like to go around the world, see the different cultures, topography, geography & people. May be it's the effect of watching 'Into the Wild' too many times. May be I am being too romantic. May be I am too cynical. May be I am getting old & this is the 'Middle age crisis' for me. May be I am tired of this world. But the truth is I want to break off all the ties & run away.
I don't know whether I am off my mind or I do need a reality check...
This is my 'Bucket List Part II'
3 comments:
Quarterly life crisis you mean?
And my feelings right now is exactly the same.
"Life is a box of chocolates - unless you have diabetes" ha ha - bad joke I know, but once a while in life one needs to sit down and take a break. Enjoy the company of good friends (or loved ones), without the need to communicate, enjoy the settling sun, the whisper of the wind and a good book in ones lap. One needs to pause, to listen to oneself, to realize what it is to live.
PS On the note of good books, I am reading an awesome book now "The power of one"
I always wanted to go to Dharamshala and live with the priests for a week a month maybe, one of these days I will do that. Not to understand life but just to be silent, to hear myself.
So what's stopping you now?? Put in ur e-sep and book ur tickets :)
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