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Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Big Mouth...

I am not among the ones who are embarrassed easily. Until recently, whenever I was asked about any embarrassing moments of my life, I had to go for a long voyage in the past; only to return empty-handed. Needless to say; not anymore. Both of the below mentioned incidents happened after I started working.

I knew this 'Bindaas' attitude girl at work. For the sake of anonymity we will call her 'X'; and for obvious reasons as you will see. Now X & I used to be pretty close & our conversations used to quite thick. This happened when I was working for a consulting project. One of the consulting teams was an internal client; & it was from this team that I came to know this girl, lets call her 'Y'. Now 'Y' was a sweet girl & in the course of my work I had come to know her a little bit. We used to chat sometimes, beyond the related technical Topics.

Now one day while I was discussing something technical with 'Y' on messenger; I was pinged by 'X'. She was pretty excited & the message read something like this:-

X: You know what? I watched porn yesterday; for the first time in my life.

Before I could reply, I got a call. I did an Alt-Tab & got involved in the call. After 15 minutes, when I was done...

"Oh that sounds cool, so what kind of Porn did you watch?"
"What?"

I looked closely & I realized my mistake. To my horror, I had written it to 'Y'. Nothing in words can describe the feeling. I immediately called her up trying to explain things.

"Y, the message wasn't for you. I accidentally typed it in your window."
"Ah! It’s OK; I do understand."
"Y, I am really sorry."
"It would be really good if we drop this topic right now."
"Hmm...OK... But I do hope that you understand."
"Please..."
Uh... OK!"


I really don't know who among the two of us was more embarrassed at that time. I dreaded the time when I would have to meet 'Y' in person; fortunately that hasn't happened till now. I also thought that it was the last time I would be hearing from Y. Strangely enough; we became pretty good friends after that incident.

The Second incident happened a year back. I had returned back from Scotland when one day, I saw a familiar face. It was this guy whom I had met when I was in Edinburgh. We said 'Hi' & started catching on the different 'How's who'. If you have a South Indian Friend, you would know by now, that the flavor of English is a tad different when you strike a conversation with them. For the sake of argument & not declaring them guilty without examples, most of them they lay an extraordinary amount of emphasis on the word 'Dude'. Following is how the conversation went through: -

"So how is Craig?"
...
...

"Ah, That babe is smoking Hot!"
"Which one?"
"That one..."
(Pointing out the subject of my interest)
"Dude that's my Fiancée"

I was tongue-tied for a second & was about to say something to cover up my foolishness when he said

"Dude, relax... I was just kidding. I just happen to know her from a earlier project"
"Hahaha... I knew you were, anyway I wasn't talking about that girl, I was talking about that one"
I said not be outdone; pointing out a beauty in a red shirt.

"Dude, that's my sister"

I started laughing at his second attempt to pull my leg. How naive did he assume me to be to think that I would be caught in the same joke again. I was laughing my guts out, till I saw his face. I had always wondered about the origin of the phrase 'red & blue'; I learnt it that day, the hard way. He turned slowly & walked away without saying another word to me. I never heard from him again.

And this is how I realized what the Yankees mean when they say "Me & my big mouth".

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

The Kill...


It was raining. The whole place was covered with a lush carpet of green. It looked so beautiful. The thing is it only looked beautiful. It smelled of swamp & still water. There was not a single dry patch of land to stand on. The so humid air & the sweat from your continuously perspiring body made it sure that you didn’t had a single dry patch on your body as well. ‘Blend with the Nature’ some might jest. Believe me when I say, “Africa is not a pleasant place to be in rains.” 

It is uncomfortable at the start. Slowly, but steadily when you start getting accustomed to the damp surroundings; you realize that the physical matter of your body isn’t as flexible as your mind, neither is it strengthened by your will power. The point being your skin gets red, a little puffy & develops rashes where it comes in with constant contact of what all ‘water proofing’ clothing you are wearing. The remaining exposed parts which don’t have to undergo this torture are tormented by the mosquitoes. If your will power is really as strong as you boast it to others, you would be very carefully weighing which is better, the skin rashes on the covered parts or the mosquito bites on the exposed part. The weaker mortals would by now of course; be vacillating between the different methods they have at their disposal to commit painless suicide.

And for all this trouble all I could find around was alligators, Boas & ant-eaters.

I smiled at my own thoughts. I had made a terrible choice of season for my last visit. However, the experience gave me the leverage to form proper decisions this once. I felt content, No; that would be an understatement. I was content. “The holidays can’t get better than this” I thought. 

Dressed in brown khakis, full sleeved sweatshirt; trying to blend in with the surroundings I lay there quietly. I was actually enjoying the sweet sun on my back, the cool, damp breeze on my face. Slowly absorbing, relishing the beauty around me. My whole body was relaxed but like the mind of a trained ninja my senses were alert; I was keenly aware of every sound in my vicinity. The brushing of wind against the branches, the rustling of dry, dead leaves, the soft click of every twig being snapped, I could hear everything. This is something one has to learn early in my profession. “To shoot an animal, one should have the instincts of the animal” they used to say in my training workshops.

Kathy always hated it. She neither had the patience nor the will power to withstand the rigors of the sport. Adding more to my woes was her extreme environmentalist attitude. According to her, we, both the hunters & the photographers, were a potential threat to the delicate balance of wild life. She was of the opinion that most of us who shot never understood ‘Why we shoot & what we shoot?” She would often quote Paul Rodriguez 

“Hunting is not a sport. In a sport, both sides should know they're in the game.” 

I had tried countless number of times to get her interested in the sport by explaining her the intricacies of tracking, silently following the animal & getting the best shot, without ruining the trophy or putting yourself in danger. Tired after umpteen attempts, I had given upon her to appreciate the thrill of the sport. It had taken me quite a while to persuade her to accompany me to this trip.

I looked towards Kathy, She was enjoying it; the happiness showed on her face. She was continuously scanning the landscape for any activity. I knew how it felt; the first trip in the wilderness of Africa. She must have felt my eyes on her, for she turned towards me. I gave her a smile, a nod & turned back, leaving her to scan the landscape. I had closed my eyes, relaxed, was already drowsy when I heard it.

The Bontebok is one of the majestic animals of Africa. Chocolate brown in color with a white stripe from forehead to nose and an even whiter underbelly, they were once found in abundance in Africa. Extensively hunted for their lyre shaped, ringed horns they are now more or less extinct in the wild. It was this rare trophy which had vowed me to the wilderness twice this year.

Silently, I repositioned myself, lying propped on my forearms, my body weight entirely supported on my shoulders. Though not a very comfortable position for the novice any wild-life enthusiast worth his salt would have mastered the technique of lying in this position for long hours. I stole a glance at Kathy, she had spotted the antelope by now; & could barely restrain her excitement. I signaled her for silence. 

I always believed that it’s the thrill of the hunting that is more fascinating than the actual trophy. Well, I still do believe it, but a Bontebok is a trophy worth exchanging an arm for. I prepared myself. I unlocked the trigger, removed the cover from the lens & prepared for the kill. I wanted the cleanest shot possible. The Bontebok displays a distinctive character of jumping high in air before running up to a speed of 50 mph, popularly called stotting. Shooting a stotting Bontebok is extremely difficult and there are only a handful of people in the world who have achieved the feat. 

Unlike others, I had shifted to autos not because I trusted them more than my judgment, but because the speed they provided allowed me more chances of a second shot. Squeezing the trigger would cause a low sound, inaudible to the normal ears, but enough for the antelope to stot. It was a long shot but I was ready. I zeroed in on the kill, & adjusted the optics for the last time. The habit learned over the long years had triggered my mind to reduce the breathing rate the moment I had spotted the Bontebok. Shooting between breaths causes the least shake & is known to enhance the chance of a clean shot by almost 50%. I slowly let out the air from my lungs & pressed the shutter. 

A clean shot, the click made the Bontebok jump in the air almost half a meter & I pressed the trigger for the second time. The shutter opened at the correct time & the Bontebok froze in mid air. I had got what I wanted, the assignment was complete; the editor would be quite happy. I pushed away my D200 with the 600 mm lens & reached for the second one. The 600 mm lens used for wild life photography is quite heavy compared to what I was working with now. I zeroed on the puzzled Bontebok once more, took a deep breath & pressed the trigger.

A click & the Bontebok froze in mid air again. Another clean shot! It then fell straight down. I was always amazed how much a shot can be muffled with the use of modern silencers. I shouldered the Springfield. I ran towards the antelope, unsheathing my hunting knife in the run. By the time Kathy had reached me, I had bleeded the antelope. I put a cut on the underbelly of the Bontebok & started gutting it.

“How could you kill it; you promised me there will be no shooting on this trip… Oh God, how could you kill something so beautiful?”

I looked at her with contempt “You mean it would have been ok to kill it if it would have been ugly?”


P.S – 
D200 is a premium SLR of Nikon series.
Springfield is a hunting rifle often used to hunt bucks, antelopes & 
  deer.
Bontebok is an endangered antelope species. There was a time when 
   only 17 were left in the world, but the species has now recovered.
African government gives legal license for hunting in order to 
   maintain the proper balance between species. The revenue 
   generated is then used for different wild life projects.

Monday, April 13, 2009

My extramarital affair


I woke up all sweaty; with a parched throat & a splitting headache. I tried to gather my senses & recollect what all happened last night. I pushed the sheets aside and then I saw her lying besides me! At a step short of heart attack I could not help but admire her beauty, her beautiful curves & her pale flawless skin.

I went to the mantlepiece & poured myself a large one of scotch, pulled the bean bag towards myself & tried to remember what had happened last night. It's true I  had been eyeing her for quite a long time now; but never got the right time. My wife had taken an instant dislike towards her; however, that didn't deter my feelings towards her.

Piled up with work yesterday in office; I was planning to stay a little late. In evening some old friends came to my desk & confided their plan in me to visit a Pub. And they insisted that I join them. I left the pending work & went ahead to have a 'merry' time with some of the best techies I had ever worked with. It was always a pleasure to go out with these people. Very few people would ever guess or get to see the merry side of these ultra sombre & hyper-serious techies.

A little drunk, quite jovial but extremely worried about the pending work; I left the pub. I started walking towards my home & it was then I saw her. As usual she was in the store at her designated place. Lots of probing eyes glued to her body. I decided then & there that I wanted her. Of course the fact that my wife was off to see her parents for a week added firmness to my decision. The 'Dutch courage' added fuel to my stupid decision.

I quickly went to the store & the next thing I remember was jumping in bed with her! 

I was still pondering over the happenings of yesterday when my 17 year old daughter kitty entered the bedroom with my morning espresso. A habit garnered in the youth is a weakness when you are old; that for me is the nasty espresso. Fortunately my beautiful wife & my beloved daughter save me this torture every morning. 

"Hello Dad; Good morning"
"Good morning Sweetie"
"I Guess you were pretty late yesterday night" She beamed with an angelic smile.
"Yeah..." was all I replied trying to take my eyes off the bed.

Sensing my odd reaction she looked at the bed & gasped.

"Dad!"
"I know, I know"
"What? Why?" She said trying to absorb the situation.
"What's Mom gonna say when she sees her here?" she looked at me accusingly.
"I was counting on you in helping me to keep this away from your Mom" said my guilty self. 

Her accusing glare didn't soften at all. At that moment I felt it would be more comfortable to land in a frying-pan than to meet eyes with her. Her Mom is definitely going to be what you say 'Out of the frying fan, into fire'.

"I don't think I can help you with something this big."
"Hmm..."
"Why don't you take her back where you picked her from?"
"Now Sweetie, I know I have done wrong; but you should show some respect. She isn't just some piece of Trash!" 
"For me she's worse than that. & I bet Mom would feel the same. How could you even do this to her; after all she has done for you?"

If she was trying to make me feel guilty; I must admit that she came out with flying colors.

"You gotta help me with this Kitty; if not for me, then for your Mom." 
"I would suggest you to make a clean breast of it to Mom & may be... I say 'May be if your luck is any good' she might forgive you." 

I could see the sense in her words. Quite a few marriages have been ruined for more trivial matters than these.

"So should we leave her here; till your Mom is back?"
"That would be your safest bet, in my opinion."

Both of us waited for her Mom patiently. Me, quite nervous for self; she, pitiful for me. The time seemed to crawl slower than snail; the sweat on my neck & brows seemed to be flooding. Finally the doorbell chimed. Kitty went to open the door; seeing my obvious discomfort.

"Hello there, so how was the week without me? I bet your Dad had a great time & you missed me a lot."
"Or is it the other way around?" my wife continued, seeing me.
"I will get something for you to drink & leave you two  to talk" said Kitty, quietly slipping away.
"What has got into you guys; nobody seems happy to see me back" She teased me again.
"No Darling; it's not that! It's just that.... Oh God... How do I say it? I have done something terribly wrong."
"I guess you haven't committed a murder." She was still thinking that we were pulling a trick on her.
"Here... Come... It would be better to show you" I directed her to the bedroom holding her hand.

She was still lying in the bed. In the same position I had left her; her naked body half covered by the sheets. Her skin blemish-less; her unlit face emitting an aura. I am really ashamed that she was still attracting me towards her, like 'Sil' from Species; in front of my wife. 

Holy God! Is this how much I love my wife; after all these happily spent 19 years together?Consumed by my own guilt I completely forgot about my wife standing besides me. When I turned towards her, she was gasping for breath, out of rage or helplessness is something what I couldn't figure out.

She tried hard & finally managed to get some words out, before sitting down,  all spent up & red in face.

"How could you buy another Macbook?"

P.S - For the benefit of all the suspicious people, I don't have an extramarital affair. I am just in love with my Macbook. Heck, I am not even married!

Friday, March 13, 2009

Mistakes or Flukes...


'Serendipity' is just another way of acknowledging a masterpiece fluke. 

Things happen the same way in Photography world; the only thing is photographers aren't as honest as scientists! What I mean to say is many a times, what you would be thinking as a pretty normal shot turns into an awesome shot. Taking it even a step further some mistakes rather than ruining the photograph gives a dramatic effect. And hence the apt saying 'Learn from your mistakes'.

I bought a tripod almost a year back, and I use it extensively for landscape shots. However accounting to my laziness, I still don't use it for photographing people. This is a shot I took sometime back, just for the sake of fun. I knew it I had ruined it when I didn't hear the shutter close even after 3 seconds.

A 5 second exposure, with a rear sync flash did the trick here. The flames are the shake effects of the indicator lights of the motorbike behind. The model is my friend 'Puppy' aka Yogesh.

The catch is not in avoiding mistakes, nor is it in living by flukes. It is in analyzing the masterpiece flukes! 

"I am learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life.... Procrastinating & rationalizing" 

- Calvin

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Long Distance Relation...


I was watching "We are Marshall" the other day. 
The story rotates around Marshall University who loose the whole of their football team in a tragic Plane accident. Jack Lengyel the new team coach & a couple of formers who were fortunate not to be in the accident try to keep the 'Football Program' alive.

Its a nice movie, Mathew Mc Conaughey as Jack Lengyel, the new team coach is really worth watching. Following is one of the best dialogues between Jack & Don, The University President, where Jack tries to persuade Don to go & see the Sports association members in person, rather than sending petitions to them:-

Jack : Don, are you married? 

Don  : Yes sir, 25 years this year. 

Jack : Now, I am going to bet... that you didn't propose over the phone. 

Don  : Ummm, no. 

Jack : And I'm pretty sure, that she didn't accept with a letter. 

Don  : Uhhhh. 

Jack : Don? 

Don  : Jack? 

Jack : Don? 

Don  : Jack? 

Jack : Don... you can do this! 


Overall worth watching, though not as good as 'The Invincible', 'Remember the Titans' or 'Coach Carter'.


P.S - Was Just wondering what would Jack say if she had done that? :))