Blue mornings... Bucket List Part II

You wake up one morning with a splitting headache. And the first thing you ponder on is, whether you had too much to drink yesterday? The answer leaves you all the more puzzled (believe me Puzzles don't help when you have got a head splitting ache). Anyway, you drag yourself out of the bed, brush your yellow-stained teeth, wash your wrinkled dry face, and try to pacify your coarse, messy hair. You look at the mirror. And find somebody totally unlike you staring back. That is when you realize that this isn't you. This was never ever meant to be you.

Have you ever had any of these mornings?
If not, you are a part of an extremely small, but very lucky bunch of people on earth. And since I don't believe in luck, I am taking the liberty of presuming that you are lying. (Don't do that, lying is bad, lying to yourself is even worse). Anyway I am not here to ponder on my readers conscience, reaction, behavior & interaction with themselves. Being the person I am, I don't care about that.

Are you wondering, why did I write all this then?
Because, recently I am having too many of these bad mornings.

I mean recently I have been wondering too much about what am I doing, & what do I want to do with my life? I earn decent enough money, I am comfortable with my job, I don't have any worries or immediate responsibilities to take care of. I have seen a bit of europe. In a nutshell, I am more than satisfied. Happy? No!

Why?

I really don't know. But this is not exactly what I thought I would be doing when I completed my engineering. May be there is no pressure on me. There is kind of no competition for me, at work. I don't have to strain myself beyond the normal slugged capabilities. May be its because this is the first time in my life when I don't have an immediate future goal. May be its because my life is too settled, too easy & too comfortable. May be its because I am getting things too easily nowadays. I don't know what is it exactly, But whatever it is, the sense of adventure, excitement in my life seems to be fading slowly! 

May be it is because, the only people I care about are so far away from me. May be it is because I too do need somebody to talk to. May be it is because I do miss them. Or may be it's because I am not used to handle such emotions.

Whatever the reasons may be, they got me thinking. 

Given a chance what differences would I love to have in my life? Now that's a difficult question to answer!

But I will take my shot. 

The first thing I would like to change in my life is to be financially carefree. I don't want to spoil the joys of my life worrying about where my money is going. I would prefer to live like, what my friend Jai says as 'Living from hand to mouth'. I would rather spend my life peacefully gazing at an African sunset, having a quiet evening at Mt. Titlis in Switzerland, snorkeling in the clear waters of Australia, driving a Ford GT across the streets of Detroit or having a wood burned tea in the calmness of Himalayas! I no longer want to be bothered about the suave pleasures of luxury & richness. 

The second thing I would like to change in my life is emotional detachment. I am more or less tired by the emotional attachment with people. They more often than not, leave me grumpy, dry, moody, sulking, emotionally wasted, energetically drained & hurt. Except for the handful of people I really care about I want to break all the emotional ties with the rest of the world. I don't want to be emotionally dependent on people any longer. I want to learn how to live alone, & be myself. I guess my first desire comes from this one.

I would like to go around the world, see the different cultures, topography, geography & people. May be it's the effect of watching 'Into the Wild' too many times. May be I am being too romantic. May be I am too cynical. May be I am getting old & this is the 'Middle age crisis' for me. May be I am tired of this world. But the truth is I want to break off all the ties & run away.

I don't know whether I am off my mind or I do need a reality check... 

This is my 'Bucket List Part II'